Monday, October 27

Walls of Evasion

Let's mask the last post with this one, and forget it ever existed. Here's the newest finished one, not the newest per se. A finished draft. Here it goes:

They cut off the lights and turned us into strangers
placed us in a dark alley, an unfamiliar landscape
It's too cold and too damp for romanticism here
The road looks exhausted
I'll call for you, but these bricks only reverberate voices into distortion,
withdrawing prospect while implementing discomfort
You evade in fear while I journey in hope.
They say, "Fear is the best motivator."
So you run, I chase and you'll run
This alley holds more cruelties, even more casualties
Hearts that turned into stone for masonry only echoes my aches
I hope you find your sun-kissed silver-lining in this ominous place
My heart turns stagnant and my entity collapse
I'm reaching for you, as I always am, and
All I can think is, "Oh, where do you go young girl."

Thursday, October 16

Grow'n Up, Feeling Down

If you're looking for inspiration here, you won't find it today. I have this rule, you see, that says if I'm angry or sad, I'll wait a whole day before posting about my sentiments. I usually never follow through with posting. Today, that rule doesn't apply. Once in awhile, I hit these lows, these unbelievable, abysmally lows. However, I've decided to write about it as a vent, which I seldom do. I don't talk about my problems; I'm sure not alone on that one. Maybe I'm just overworked into these monotonous days on mundane Mondays, tiresome Tuesdays and wearisome Wednesdays. Never have I understood why adults cry so much. It's probably because of their inability to break routine, something I am currently experiencing. It was decided, by me, that being a provider/helper is my life's occupation. Majority of days, ups outweigh the downs. If I stay positive and create positivity among others, I'd say it's worth a couple downers. I cannot do it today. It isn't because I've failed my daily mission. It's that the product of my actions are not fruitful or deemed worth enough of my efforts. Tomorrow, I'm sure I'll feel different. The only person that can pick me up is myself. I wish it wasn't that way. I wish someone would give me a bottle of milk and I would stop whimpering. The bulk of my emotional distress probably stems from not being where I want in life. One number constantly reminds me of what I am not doing, and that number is 25. I'm 25, and I haven't done anything productive or successful, by my own measures. Sure a few nice gestures, good deeds and a college degree goes a long way. However, what have I contributed to the world? I just have not made it yet. I can point fingers about why that is and how that came to be, albeit what can I do about it. Right now, I'm paralyzed and confined by a lifestyle I didn't make for myself. My mind is free, but my routine is intact. Another year will go by, and I'll still be here. Maybe that's why I'm feeling this way. Maybe, just maybe. Enough for now. Sorry you had to endure this nonsensical, depressive post. Through all this darkness, I hope you stay beautiful considering I may see you.