Wednesday, March 31

You are Unhealthy

Another blog bull spitting nonsense. Couldn't sleep last night, 2 hours sleep after tossing and turning, and this is what I wrote to precede "You are Unhealthy," which was written about a month ago.

It was just one of those nights dedicated in your honor. Lack of sleep creating darkened circles around my eye sockets restlessness. The overused waste of space running around about projected circumstances and propositions in the stained left side of my brain. Having diagnosed bradycardia accompanied with melancholic restless mind syndrome and chronic misery. Detoxified fasting of the rest of the world during lent season. Feeling as if I'm owed a sense of stability as it it were part of the unalienable rights. Life, Liberty, Pursuit of Happiness and Sense of Stability should be endowed. This comes from the nocturnal writing from a epileptic typing, beautiful minded schizophrenic. Praying for and envious of the common wellness of other. Everyone's self-absorption and indulgence in debauchery has me wanting to reciprocate, if not for your presence. Left with that bitter taste awaiting irrational arguments followed by a series of rhetorical questioning. You're making me unhealthy.

You are Unhealthy
The bruises on your body tell a story
You always look exhausted,
Your arms just reek of perspiration as if deodorant just wasn’t good enough
That rancid breath holds a familiar stench
You’re too underweight from the projected norm
From the calluses on your feet to the bags under your eyes
You are unhealthy

But what are you to me?
You are my fatal addiction, guilty pleasure
My compassionate companion away forced company and fruitless conversations
If I needed a pick me up, you’d be my coffee cup of a caffeine fix
Your presence alone is a present
Wrapped in the talents and conversational skills

You’d be that high at my lows
I’ll take you like painkillers to ease the pain
Call you my oxy-cotin, morphine, soma, my promethazine
Cause you’re that buzz I’m looking for, that recreational drug I can’t afford,
J’adore mi amor, in many languages and metaphors
I’ll look for you on isle 4, next to the sugar infested processed food and high saturated fat contents
You taste that good

You make my eyes roll backwards, giving me that tingle in my feet, and that clench in my teeth
Like if this ever stopped, I would come down hard
So please turn the music up, keep the lights turning
And recharge for an encore
Cause your company is just that good

I would self-diagnose my self-loathing self with a bottle from the shelf
Labeled with your name with an undesignated expiration date
I’d find you at the bottom of that bottle,
Shots of liquid courage,
Mixed feeling of ecstasy served on the rocks,
All poured out into flutes reserved only for the finest of champagnes
I would stay under constant inebriation
Countless tickets of reckless self-operation under the influence of you

But then again…
You are unhealthy
The bruises on your body tell a story
Perhaps it’s from the beating you’ve been taking in
Especially the anterior part of the body cavity, where the heart lies
You always look exhausted, carrying the weight of your past, future conditions and present affairs
Like the man on the cover of atlas shrugged, the world is yours for the taking
You just have to carry it
Your arms just reek of perspiration, only because of that decrepit grip of holding onto hope
Stressfully underweight from the malnutrition of poisonous company
And that bitter taste left on your breath, comes from a boy
Calluses on your feet, chasing what you can’t have
Bags under your eyes shows that you’ve been awaiting a glimpse of home
And it seems so far away, as if you’re holding onto day old hate
Wrapped up in these insecurities, shortcomings, withheld in proximity of circumstances with misplaced karma
A beautiful mess you are

I wish I were a doctor,
You’d know how I would treat you,
Diagnosing you with all the suitable drugs with effects of reciprocating emotions
And if that doesn’t work, prescribe excess amounts of benzodiazepine
And savory lines of why you are the shit on the side
Taken daily or as directed

But despite your low body mass index, target heart rate, low blood pressure
Although you may possess all the nutritional value
For me,
You are unhealthy
If only you were not…
Unhealthy
My fatal addiction, guilty pleasure

Wednesday, March 24

He said, She said

The world once fell to our feet
Now we all fall to defeat, off the balls of our feet

She said “what happened to you? You’ve lost your muchness”
And then one fell down.
I said “I try to hold on to it, life happens and I try to cope.”
She said “I know what you mean.” “But I can hear it in your voice, you sound down, not yourself."
I apologized, she understood, and we moved along.

She asked, "You really have your days don’t you?"
I asked her what she meant
“days you feel like talking
days you feel like you don't know me
days you feel like being nice
days you feel like being an asshole
all of that + some”
I apologized and left it at that.

I end up apologizing a lot nowadays. I fcuked up by taking that trip, because you were here and I was there. If I knew you were to show face, I would've too. Face down.

"I smile, you laugh, I look away
I sigh, you ask me why, I say,
It's ok and I am just feeling' down..." - Good Charlotte

Monday, March 22

Alcohol Withdrawal and Revoked Significance





The window is now closed.

All the privileges associated my birthday have been revoked. Nothing extravagant happened and it was pretty much typical, but that was because I didn’t want celebrate. It’s the extracurricular activities preceding my birthday that made it memorable. However, I am once again insignificant and shit out of luck. No more being the brave little toaster amped up on liquid courage doing what I want to do. Now it’s the try to be logical and make smarter decisions Travis. Those few days I was able to do what I wanted and to break all the rules, even the laws of attractions, without being mortified. It was very short-lived and I didn’t utilize them as much as I wanted to. Just because I took the risk, didn’t mean I would get a few moments, because I didn’t -_-. Few downfalls to my birthday and the one that tops the list is the one where he gives me the face of disappointment at my birthday dinner. Thanks Dad. While we’re on the subject of privileges, ever noticed that the people that who are pretty are fortunate? They get paid better, their flaws are overlooked, they receive hospitality for no apparent reason, etc. That “ect” is boundless and never ending unless you become ugly. Prime example, two people whom are both equally qualified are apply for a job, one of medium build and one that is on the overweight side. Who gets the job? It’s the unspoken truth that people are so shallow, and I say that with a hint of hypocrisy. The only reason I back this is because I was ugly for majority of my life. Not saying that I’m still not ugly but a little bit more privileged now. =P.

The XX concert is today and I really want to go, but because of the busy weekend and forced activities, I have 3 lab reports to finish and basketball intramurals tonight. I’d rather be at that concert with the coolest people ever to walk the planet Earth. Kid Cudi comes Wednesday.

Thank you for all the birthday wishes.

And by the way if you say something about me and I find out, you will be checked. Try me.

I'm sleeping in the bed I made. FML.

Monday, March 15

Boy Meets World

Sometimes in my life I have these episodes that turn into a series made for a season. Spring will be a bad ass mtfing season.

Friday, March 12

The Blame Game

This will be an odd post, as well as many others. I usually have these outlandish ideas that further develope into elongated outlandish ideas, just downright far-fetched. Could have made it longer but who wants to read this psychopathic BS. Anyways the article is below:

Let's blame the cell phones for making us readily accessible. Blame it on songs for sugarcoating the sweetness of life. Blame it on the Korean dramas for making all the rest of us second rate. Blame it on movies in our attempt to recreate scenes becoming unique characters. Blame it on the alcohol for giving us that overzealous, liquid-induced courage. Blame it on the confinement of the internet and its boundless source of entertainment. Blame it on technology and our adherence. Blame it on the drugs for our lack of natural highs through the secretion of our adrenal gland or underdeveloped hypothalamus. Blame it on the holidays for unreasonable formalities. Blame it on commercials for our debt-creating, splurging impulses. Blame it on corporate for defining average and their manipulations to become it. Blame it on us. But shit I'll take the blame because shit, life is GOOD.

Monday, March 8

Interpersonal


"In my mind I'ma fighter, my heart's a lighter.
My soul is the fluid, my flow sparks it right up
Arsenic writer, author with arthritis" - Eminem


I'm a radically conservative, mindfully subconscious, passive-aggressive conversationalist.


"So drown me.. if you can
Or we could just have conversation" - City and Colour

Tuesday, March 2

Audiophile


This is my lazy blog. So all day I warmed the couch, being lethargic, downloading albums and watching Grey's Anatomy. Started listening to some of them, but this is my new list of albums to listen to:

Mr Hudson - Straight No Chaser
Jason Reeves - The Magnificient Adventures of Heartache
Story of the Year - The Constant
Corinne Bailey Rae - The Sea
Lady Antebellum - Lady Antebellum
Lady Antebellum - I Need You Now
John Mayer -Battle Studies
Carrie Underwood - Play on Tour
Ke$ha - Animal
Timbaland - Shock Value 2
Rosi Golan - The Gypsy and the Drifter

Here are some of my notable albums' list. It went a bit overboard but these are albums I can listen to and probably remember by heart because they the shit, track for track.

City & Colour - Sometimes
James Morrison - Undiscovered
Eminem - Marshall Mathers LP
Maroon 5 - Songs About Jane
Norah Jones - Come Away with Me
Norah Jones - Feeling the Same Way
Backstreet Boys - Millenium
The XX - XX
Corinne Bailey Rae - Corinne Bailey Rae
Good Charlotte - Good Morning Revival
Linkin' Park - Hybrid Theory
Lupe Fiasco - Food & Liquor (Advance)
Yellowcard - Ocean Avenue
The Notorious B.I.G. - Ready to Die
Jay-Z - Black Album
Tupac - Me Against the World
Carrie Underwood - Some Hearts
Nas - Illmatic
Frank Sinatra - Nothing But the Best
Citizen Cope - The Clarence Greenwood Recording
Rakim - Paid in Full
Kanye West - College Dropout
Acceptance - Phantoms
Akon - Freedom
Jack's Mannequin - Everything in Transit
Gym Class Heroes - As Cruel as School Children
Mos Def - Black on Both Sides
Talib Kweli - Ear Drum
Bee Gees - The Very Best of the Bee Gees
Big L - Lifestylez ov da Poor and Dangerous
Michael Jackson - Thriller
Avril Lavigne - Under My Skin
John Legend - Get Lifted
John Mayer - Heavier Things
Adele - 19
Usher - 8701
Nichelback - All the Right Reasons
T.I. - Trap Musik
Dr. Dre - 2001
N.W.A - Straight Outta Compton
Cartel - Chroma
DMX - The Great Depression
Fall Out Boy - From Under the Cork Tree
Ne-Yo - Year of the Gentleman
New Found Glory - Coming Home
One Tree Hill, Vol. 2 Soundtrack
Relient K- Mmhmm
Story of the Year - Page Avenue